in line at the drive-thru (for iced coffee which i can't drink enough of lately)
I get to the first window
and the employee is a strange looking young guy
with cheekbones that could be deadly weapons
and I admit to myself that he's rather strange looking
and not in a good way
this whole time he's looking at me in a way
that makes me wonder if my private thoughts
are in fact splashed all over my face
and the bright smile I'm giving him
isn't hiding a single thing.
Then as I sit in the space between that window
and the next
I think about beauty and what it is
and what others think when they see me
or if I care
and I realize that I am so uncomfortable in my own skin
more and more so as time goes by
which is contrary to everything I have ever heard
about the supposed benefits of getting older
(thanks Oprah)
and I am realizing that I do not recognize
anything about myself these days
as I try to remember which celebrity
I recently read about that said
that there is something beautiful about
every woman on the earth
(yeah right)
but I'll think about that later because
now I am required to pull ahead
and pick up my chilled caffeine drink
and I catch a quick glance at the lady
in this new window
and before I have a chance to censor myself
a thought races through my mind
that it must be ugly staff day
and although I am repulsed by
my own horrid ability for MEAN
the woman at the window
turns
and faces me fully
and I can honestly say
I have never seen such an ugly
person in my whole life
I'm talking about the kind of ugly
that you really don't want handling
your food.
Now this I do not say to be mean
I say it out of the immense sadness
that came over me when I realized
what that woman's life must be like:
lonely, full of stares and jeers and hushed whispers,
pointing children and mocking adults
and the taunts from her own brain
all the while I'm trying to take my drink
from her hand
without it touching mine
and hoping that somehow
she can feel my heart instead.
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