Functions of a Marriage

We've all gotten a wedding invitation that reads,

" On this day I will marry my best friend",

which is cute and sweet and full of wonderful sentiment,but totally not my own experience. For those with husbands doing double duties as spouse and bff, I am really pleased for you, but that is not the case for me.

And I am not complaining.

My husband is many things to me. Friend? Certainly! Provider? Most definitely! Father of my children? Absolutely. Partner in life? Yessireebob.

But BFF? Nope. That label belongs somewhere else, and I'm totally ok with that.

Firstly, my husband and I have certain rather large parts of our life that we do not share. For me, my faith comes before all else, so while I can have conversations with him about many things pertaining to spirituality, my deepest fears, goals, struggles, longings about the condition of my soul are reserved for thoughtful conversation with like-minded individuals that really get it.

Likewise, he is an avid gamer. It is safe to say it consumes a large part of his waking life. While his obsession has progressed from video games to board games over the course of our relationship, I don't share anything remotely close to resembling a passion for either hobby. In fact, I am pretty proud of myself when my eyes don't glaze over in the first 2 minutes of him proudly describing a new play mechanic he has devised. Lucky for me, he has a group of friends, one in particular, that are more than happy to discuss game strategies with him ad nauseum at any time of night or day.

I'm sure he is equally happy to know that he is spared the endless analysis of motherhood, marriage, friendships, fashion, relationships, and body issues that consume my girlfriends and I. Even moreso when we are the topic du jour. How much better it is to vent a little to a friend than to rehash the same old marital issues to death with my spouse.

This is not to say that my husband and I are not capable of having deep, thoughtful, meaningful conversations when required. It just means that I can save most of my crazy female insecurities and quirks for someone who will really get it.... another crazy, insecure female.

For that there is no substitute.

Many times I have made the error of spilling my guts about something an ounce of fore-thought would hinder me from saying aloud in the presence of my husband, and been very sorry. The problem has not been with him, however, but with me. With me, because I realize that I am always looking for the response of a girlfriend.... blind empathy or righteous indignation on my behalf... NOT the practical, problem-solving fix-it tendencies of the male brain.

So for me there will always be a division of labour.

Husband and Best Friend.

Both equally necessary and appreciated.