Marriage is this strange and wonderful animal. I have been privy to the secrets of this marvelous institution for exactly one year now. A year that has gone so quickly that Gavan and I have often discussed how unbelievable it is that anyone gets divorced in the first year when it feels like you have barely had a chance to catch your breath let alone adjust to marriage and truly give it an earnest shot.
A year ago, Gavan and I were newlyweds in every sense of the word. We didn't live together before we were married, although we did decide to share a dog which raised some eyebrows amongst our family members. (Looking back, I have to agree. Purchasing a dog jointly seems quite ridiculous before you are even engaged, but I guess to us there was never any doubt of how this story would turn out.) In anycase, our wedding truly was the beginning of a new life together. So many of my friends that have co-habitated say that their wedding was just the piece of paper that made it official, but for us it really was the start of something new.
With that newness comes a myriad of things to learn, adjust to and compromise over. I think we have done a pretty good job if I do say so myself. If the first year of marriage is the hardest... we're laughing.
Gavan had the dubious pleasure of taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood immediately following our honeymoon. This he did so naturally and lovingly that it deepened my sense of truly having married the right man. I told him recently that I feel privileged to have been able to see the kind of father he would be BEFORE I married him. His relationship with Thyra is so special to them both, that I am completely confidant in his ability to raise our soon-to-be born son in the same way.
Aside from the insta-dad syndrome, Gavan has also had to become a homeowner, son-in-law and supportive husband of a hormonal pregnant wife this year. I know I am bragging but he has handled every new challenge so adeptly that I cannot help but adore him more each day.
If this gushing is making marriage seem like it is the solution to eternal bliss, let me assure you it is not without its challenges. Living with someone day in and day out does diminish some of the mystery. You become so accustomed to their presence that there are milliseconds where you can't quite remember your exact relationship to your spouse... brother? cousin? Family for sure. My husband has truly morphed from being friend/partner/lover to veritable family. His presence in my life is as normal as my mother's, and his absence even more unthinkable. You see them at their worst, grumpy and sick. There is the never-ending efforts to blend family traits and customs and all the ins and outs of learning how to adapt to the ways of your inlaws. You get to know all their quirks and oddities. Their strange little habits and even stranger rituals. There are also the off days where the two of you simply co-exist but you soon discover that the occasional waning of passion is not the end of the relationship. Because for every moment of familiarity there are other moments where everything feels new all over again. You feel commitment sink its teeth in and really get a grip. This is forever. There is no backing out when you hate his new haircut or are tired of hearing the same stories repeated over and over. Your driving habits may irritate each other, and he may never understand your need to completely update the living room every six months, but somehow none of this matters. You are married. Husband and Wife. A bonafide family of your own choosing.
And this man, the one I married one year ago, the one I have chosen to share my life with, is as precious and familiar to me as my own blood, as this body I inhabit and as the soul we seem to share.
Happy Anniversary to the man I love.
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