suspicious minds

i forgot how much it hurt. it all came flooding back in a wave of sick misery. i dont know if these tears are of gratitude that it is all over, or of regret for putting myself in harm's way, or even if it matters. but there seems to always be the insinuation of a war. there is no war here, i have laid down my arms, succeded the battle, raised the white flag. you dont need to point out the spoils of war. I am aware. the wounds may no longer bleed, but scars remain... fading into sickly white streaks of damaged flesh. i have gone forward, moved onwards into calm quiet light. I see no reason to be reminded of what was and now is.