Fatherhood

is being seriously undermined in our society. Bill Cosby has a new book out, Come On People!, that takes a good hard look at the problems in black communities. One of the issues that he deals with is the lack of responsibility men take in fathering their offspring. This is not a race issue. It occured to me as I watched him discuss these topics on Oprah yesterday that no wonder men can't get it together to actually parent the children they produce... they are being told they are irrelevant at every turn. Women everywhere are deciding that they do not require a father to experience Motherhood. All they need is sperm, and even that is becoming in danger of being less of a necessity as science progresses down some bizarre and frankly scary paths. Now don't get me wrong, I fully support any woman, who single or otherwise, wants to adopt any orphan on this planet. For those kids, even one stable parent is better than the life they are living, but to actually choose to have a child knowing full well it will be denied the experience of having a father is completely morally irresponsible in my opinion. How can you expect a little boy who has been willfully raised without a father to understand his own worth as a parent once he becomes a man.

Having a newborn in the house again has completely reinforced, for me personally, the importance a father is to a child's development. I often wince and settle for biting my tongue as my husband parents our son in a way that is totally foreign to me. But that is the point. Malachi is getting the benefit of two unique ways of experiencing life. I cannot imagine denying him the viewpoint that only his dad can offer, even if that means I do cringe at the "man"handling of my precious offspring occasionally. Let's face it folks, men and women handle most things completely differently and who says my tendancy to coddle or empathize are any more necessary to the well-being of my child than his father's penchance for rough-housing and play. Well, not me I guess.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am so not a feminist as it is defined today. I don't feel guilty for wanting to stay home and raise my children instead of contributing to the workforce of our nation (read taxpayer). I'm quite content to keep house and wipe noses without worrying that I'm somehow less intelligent than my working counterparts for doing so. Absolutely I'm all for equality between the sexes, but I believe that no one can have it all, and that you have to make some choices at the expense of others. I believe that there are consequences for decisions we make, some positive, some not, but consequences nonetheless. I also believe that men are important to the success and health of our children, and I'm tired of seeing them reduced to a challenge for the fairer sex to compete against. For me it's not "anything boys can do, I can do better". DIifferent maybe, but not better.